Broken
by LadyBugger
Summary: What happened after Dean was beaten by Alastair in episode 4x19? How did he coped with the fact that Cass told him he's the one that broke the first seal? In this story Dean is phisically and emotionally hurt and Sam takes care of him... or at least he tries :)


Only a week passed since Dean's close encounter with Alastair and he was a wreck. Of course he was acting like all were just peachy but Sam wasn't a fool and he could see that his brother was in pain… if only he knew why.

That day he came into the hospital room when Dean's bed was just in time to see Castiel disappear, leaving his brother in tears. He approached to Dean uttering soothing words but he seemed to be in another world.

After the scariest five minutes of Sam's life, Dean said:" Please, take me home."

"Dean, you need…"

"Take me out of here, Sammy. Please." He was begging. Sam could see how broken his brother was and he wasn't able to say anything else; he just sat up, left the room and looked for a nurse to discharge his big but now fragile brother.

Then he took him to the first motel he found and let him sleep.

"Dean where are you going?"

"I need to take a walk Sam." He answered with a calm tone, like it was a natural thing to do in the middle of the night.

"Dean, it's midnight, you seriously…"

"Please." Just that. He only said please. Sam sighed and let the stubborn man go.

For all week Dean slept barely two hour at night. There was something that was bothering him. What the hell happened to change his big brother like this? Damn, Sam thought about forcing Dean to talk to him a million times in this last week but he couldn't find the strength to do it.

He decided to go to bed and try to rest a little bit.

At 6 am the motel's door opened, Dean returned from his long walk.

The oldest let his body fall into bed but he wouldn't closed his eyes because, if he had done it, all he would have seen would be Hell. Hell, blood and Alastair. Alastair and his razor, and the souls Dean tortured. He would have seen himself breaking the first seal and he couldn't bear it. He just couldn't.

He swallow hard in order to stop a tear for falling down his cheek.

Morning came. Thank God, o whoever was in charge up there.

"Hey, listen, I think I found a job yesterday night. Read it." Sam said as he threw the newspaper over Dean's bed. Dean lifted his back in order to reach for the newspaper and started reading without watching Sam's eyes.

Of course, the younger Winchester noticed it and noticed how pale his brother's face was. Now he was officially worried.

"Dude, you're ok?" he asked knowing he'd hardly have an honest answer.

"Yeah, Sammy. I'm golden!" Dean uttered with emphasis and to prove this statement to his little brother, he suddenly get rid of the sheets and get up with an agile movement.

Unfortunately for him, he obtained the opposite result. He felt dizzy and unstable on his feet and he had to grip tight on the headboard to not fall on his knees.

"Dean, take it easy! Sit down."

"Sammy, I can do it." Dean eyes were closed and his voice was just a whisper.

"No you can't." and then with a stronger tone Sam repeated: " Sit down."

"Dean, look at me." Dean opened his eyes but kept avoiding eye contact. "Look at me" Sam said slowlier this time.

Dean obeyed. His eyes were watery and red like he just cried his heart out and he was really tired… not tired, exhausted.

"Screw the job. You'll get some rest right now. No complaint."

"Since when you're so bossy, huh?" Dean chuckled.

"Since when my brother started not to sleep or eat and being grumpy all the time. I can't force you to talk to me man, but I can force you to go back to bed and that's what I'm going to do." Sam placed a hand on Dean's chest and gently push him down.

"I can't sleep, I'm not tired."

"You're kidding right? Dude, you're exhausted. And not try to deny it!" he shouted when Sam saw that Dean mouth was about to open. But the older brother wasn't going to speak, he needed to cough.

Then right after, he sneezed two times. 'Something isn't right.' Thought Sam. So he palmed Dean's forehead.

"Sam, quit touching me."

"You have a fever. I think that staying out all night in the middle of February wasn't such a good idea, huh?"

The younger brother sighed and lift from his chair to get a blanket. Once he put it on Dean's body, he went out, directly towards Impala's truck searching for the first aid kit.

He found it and went back into the room.

"Open your mouth."

They waited until they heard the beep. "102" Sam read.

"Take this medicine and try to sleep, ok?" he handed two white pills to Dean who swallowed them with some water and then leaned his head on the pillow.

Sam watched him 'till he was sure he was asleep.

It was over 1 am when Dean waked up. He slept all day. But now he was hyperventilating because he was brought back to reality by a awful nightmare.

"I'm here, Dean. It's me, Sam."

"Sammy…" his voiced cracked and he was shivering; Sam checked his brother's fever at first with his hand, 'Definitely up' he thought, then sticking the thermometer into Dean's mouth.

"105.2" Dean's fever was bad, really bad. It was a combination of fatigue, almost a week with no sleep or food with the final bonus of last night's trip. Awesome.

"Dean" Sam's tone was soft and reassuring "I'm gonna go out to get you something to eat and stronger drugs. I'll be back in a minute."

Well, it wasn't really a minute, obviously, but Sam was back home in no time.

When he entered the room his brother was unconscious mumbling something that made no sense to the younger boy.

"It's 'ot true… I can't be the one who ca'sed this. Please, Cass. Tell me it's 'ot true."

"I didn't break the fi'st seal."

His fever spiked. He was in delirium. Sam ran to the bathroom, soaked two washcloths into cold water and tried to get his brother's fever down.

An hour later Dean opened his eyes.

" Sammy, you're back." He whispered.

"Yeah, I'm back." Sam eyes where fill with terrors and tears. "How are you feeling?"

"Not good, Sammy. Not good."

"I bet. Here, pill's time." Dean took the pills and drank the orange juice Sam had bought for him.

"Dean…" he needed to know. He needed to ask that question, but he couldn't find the right words. Maybe because there weren't right words.

"Dean, when I came back, you were sayin' that you broke the first seal… what did you meant?"

A tear ran down through his cheek, but he didn't answer.

"C'mon Dean." Sam insisted "You can tell me. You must tell me in order to get better."

The other Winchester closed his eyes and sighed.

"When I was torturing Alastair" he started " He said that, when I got off the rack, I broke the first seal. I couldn't believe it but then I asked Cass and he…"

"It's not your fault."

"Yeah, it IS my fault. If I didn't accepted the offer none of this would have happened!"

"Listen to me. You couldn't have known ok? The demons are breaking the seals, Lilith is going to set Lucifer free ok? Not you."

Dean nodded.

They stayed in silence for a what it seemed eternity and then Sam spoke:"You should eat something. I'll heat the soup."

Meanwhile, his mind was still processing the revelation his brother just made to him. 'I'm so over with this Apocalypse crap. I'm going to kill that Lilith bitch and I'm going to make you feel better, Dean. Demons brought you into this mess but I can bring you out. This time I'm the one is gonna save you.'

* * *

_Hi! Hope you liked it. I wrote this because I just re-watched episode 4x19 so… here's what my not-so-normal mind came out with._

_English is not my first language so I hope I didn't make too many mistakes __._

_Kisses. _


End file.
